As someone who has - for most of her life - aspired to curate a self that would fall on the What end of the Warhol/Didion spectrum, I sometimes feel I have preemptively forgone the Why can’t it just be magic all the time?
But, as you say, regardless of aspirations we will all find ourselves back on the train. And maybe such an inevitability is comforting.
Hi Scamp. Another powerful essay. I enjoyed reading it even though it drew out somewhat sad feelings. As I'm no longer young, in contrast to you and the majority of your readers, your essay may have resonated differently with me than with others. I look forward to reading your future essays. Speaking of squirrels, we have a little red squirrel that raids the bird feeder, but I love the little rascal, smiling at him as he hangs upside down stealing sunflower seeds.
loved this. as someone who also feels the magic in moments, like feeling completed transformed and shifted after a well-written movie, it's so strange to face weeks, months, without feeling a magical moment. but as you said, the unfolding can only happen once but the way in which we narrativize it can shift our initial thoughts about the unfolding. i think that's the cool part about growing! so even though there are some mundane aspects of life, like taking a train everyday, we'll grow to appreciate it as something not necessarily magical as is, but a little, small detail that is part of a broader period of magic in our lives
Thank you. I find myself always searching for the magic, all the time.
I am always grateful for the narrative, a clear explanation to the stream of life flowing out before me. The clear indication of a shift in my attention with a robotic utterance at the the sight of a furry friend.
I loved this!! And relate so much to the need for a Story to feel alive. Unfortunately, I'm Warhol in all of this, even though my daily life is as humdrum as it gets, and I'm always thinking, when will I grow out of this? When will I learn my lesson? But also: the way we access other people's lives is always funneled through story so how else are we supposed to understand life when that's how we're accessing others'? We only know what other lives are like through books, movies, shows, music, and what other people tell us about What Went Down. We're almost never witnessing another's life outside of narrative unless we're living with them day and in day out, so it makes sense that we'd put that expectation on our own lives. But you're lucky to be both a Didion and a Warhol!!! The Warhols are the people who blow up their lives just for the Plot lolll
I loved the quote you used from that song because yes I can do all the things and still be in the same place. still sat on the train indeed. its interesting to see thoughts on what we want our realities to be and when something happens that should shift our reality completely and it doesn't we deem it as not good enough or not up to the standards we set. I think maybe every ambitious person experiences this and it feels comforting to know that these thoughts are not solely mine but others share them also. this was a great read! hope you are well <3
This really moved me, thank you for writing this. I would like to word what specifically resonated with me, but I'd just butcher your words, so I'll stick to: I also lose my mind at the sight of a squirrel.
Beautifully written. I wonder if this is something that specifically plagues writers or if it's just the human condition, but I've been chasing so many highs that the knowledge that writing/selling/editing a book isn't going to magically Fix Me is not what I want to hear right now ;_;
I remember having this breakthrough before querying that I would still be the same person no matter what happened with the book, and felt completely knocked over haha. But—and I'm sure you can relate to this—writing and progressing the novel has offered moments of true internal satisfaction and self-alignment and the alternative of NOT writing would be much more difficult, and that's something!
"How can I separate my expectations and narratives surrounding how an experience should unfold with the reality of it, when the unfolding only happens once, but can be narrativized in different ways forever? " Wow, it's like you're reading my mind. Great essay!
this was genuinely delicious and felt like reading one of my own diary entries ???? it can be so desperately confronting to have What days when you're a story spinner and magic seeker - it feels lovely to know I'm not alone.
ALSO Green dips into our propensity towards Meaning Making in Everything is Tuberculosis - just another nudge to dip back into it when you're sufficiently healed from the memory of your own plague etc.
I felt erratic, and you took some of my shattered pieces, one by one, polished them and gave them a resting place. The way we crack even, connects us to the opus of each other’s experiences.
As someone who has - for most of her life - aspired to curate a self that would fall on the What end of the Warhol/Didion spectrum, I sometimes feel I have preemptively forgone the Why can’t it just be magic all the time?
But, as you say, regardless of aspirations we will all find ourselves back on the train. And maybe such an inevitability is comforting.
The train, despite mostly being what, can also be magic and yes that is very comforting! Thank you for reading Avery <3
yes!! that is comforting, thank you for that tender hearted reminder! I’ll be thinking about this for days, at the least. 💙
Hi Scamp. Another powerful essay. I enjoyed reading it even though it drew out somewhat sad feelings. As I'm no longer young, in contrast to you and the majority of your readers, your essay may have resonated differently with me than with others. I look forward to reading your future essays. Speaking of squirrels, we have a little red squirrel that raids the bird feeder, but I love the little rascal, smiling at him as he hangs upside down stealing sunflower seeds.
Thank you for reading as always, John. I appreciate you dearly! Say hi to the little red squirrel for me!
This is so gorgeously written and deeply relatable. I wanted to restack so many parts, so I’ll just repost the whole thing
Thank you! I appreciate that very much
Your writing is fun and this was a lovely read
Thank you, I adore this type of compliment!
loved this. as someone who also feels the magic in moments, like feeling completed transformed and shifted after a well-written movie, it's so strange to face weeks, months, without feeling a magical moment. but as you said, the unfolding can only happen once but the way in which we narrativize it can shift our initial thoughts about the unfolding. i think that's the cool part about growing! so even though there are some mundane aspects of life, like taking a train everyday, we'll grow to appreciate it as something not necessarily magical as is, but a little, small detail that is part of a broader period of magic in our lives
Yes, a bigger piece of magic is made of its smaller magical parts, after all!
Thank you. I find myself always searching for the magic, all the time.
I am always grateful for the narrative, a clear explanation to the stream of life flowing out before me. The clear indication of a shift in my attention with a robotic utterance at the the sight of a furry friend.
I loved this!! And relate so much to the need for a Story to feel alive. Unfortunately, I'm Warhol in all of this, even though my daily life is as humdrum as it gets, and I'm always thinking, when will I grow out of this? When will I learn my lesson? But also: the way we access other people's lives is always funneled through story so how else are we supposed to understand life when that's how we're accessing others'? We only know what other lives are like through books, movies, shows, music, and what other people tell us about What Went Down. We're almost never witnessing another's life outside of narrative unless we're living with them day and in day out, so it makes sense that we'd put that expectation on our own lives. But you're lucky to be both a Didion and a Warhol!!! The Warhols are the people who blow up their lives just for the Plot lolll
Warhols make the best company!
I loved the quote you used from that song because yes I can do all the things and still be in the same place. still sat on the train indeed. its interesting to see thoughts on what we want our realities to be and when something happens that should shift our reality completely and it doesn't we deem it as not good enough or not up to the standards we set. I think maybe every ambitious person experiences this and it feels comforting to know that these thoughts are not solely mine but others share them also. this was a great read! hope you are well <3
It's comforting to read comments like this and also feel myself reflected in them! Thanks for reading <3
This was beautifully written. Subscribded after the first paragraph
Thank you! ❤️
This really moved me, thank you for writing this. I would like to word what specifically resonated with me, but I'd just butcher your words, so I'll stick to: I also lose my mind at the sight of a squirrel.
Life's simple pleasures!! Thank you for reading :)
oh this is so so so relatable thank you for putting my thoughts into words
thank you for reading as always Elle <3
Beautifully written. I wonder if this is something that specifically plagues writers or if it's just the human condition, but I've been chasing so many highs that the knowledge that writing/selling/editing a book isn't going to magically Fix Me is not what I want to hear right now ;_;
I remember having this breakthrough before querying that I would still be the same person no matter what happened with the book, and felt completely knocked over haha. But—and I'm sure you can relate to this—writing and progressing the novel has offered moments of true internal satisfaction and self-alignment and the alternative of NOT writing would be much more difficult, and that's something!
"How can I separate my expectations and narratives surrounding how an experience should unfold with the reality of it, when the unfolding only happens once, but can be narrativized in different ways forever? " Wow, it's like you're reading my mind. Great essay!
So many knockout lines in here—gorgeous as always!
Thank you Celine <3
this was genuinely delicious and felt like reading one of my own diary entries ???? it can be so desperately confronting to have What days when you're a story spinner and magic seeker - it feels lovely to know I'm not alone.
ALSO Green dips into our propensity towards Meaning Making in Everything is Tuberculosis - just another nudge to dip back into it when you're sufficiently healed from the memory of your own plague etc.
I’m sold!!
I felt erratic, and you took some of my shattered pieces, one by one, polished them and gave them a resting place. The way we crack even, connects us to the opus of each other’s experiences.
Thank you :) I can’t wait to read more from you.
Thank you! I appreciate that a lot.